A true self story “Spiritual Mission”

ngày 29.06.17


SPIRITUAL MISSION


1.

Holding my breath and pressing my body against the corner of a place as I tried to elude the pursuit of Vietnamese communist police. Suddenly, a loud noise of the door slamming. I tried even harder, pressing myself inward into the darkness, but “bam,” my whole body fell squarely down on the floor. Ouch! I opened my eyes; sweat covered my whole body. To my relief, … it was just a nightmare. I was safe in a hotel.

Yet, not having pulled myself together, I heard someone knock on the door. “Who’s that?” “Do you need to clean up?” “No, not now.” I lay down again, trying to lull myself to sleep again but in vain because of the noises outside. Looking at the clock that showed noon time, I jumped out of bed, quickly completed personal hygiene, and got ready for the thing I needed to do, and it was the reason I came to Quảng Ngãi.


2.

I had been away from Quảng Ngãi for quite a while; everything looked quite different and new. But the familiar air and scenes that inspired my reminiscence, though all strangers were around. The images of Quảng Ngãi within me were Trà River, Vệ River, fragile ferry boats, huge water wheels, horse carts, moonlit nights, and staying overnight on the sand under a clear sky. Quảng Ngãi was joy and peace for my childhood … At these thoughts, my heart was filled with excitement and ardency!

I left the hotel in torrential sunshine, intending to look for a motorcycle taxi. Yes, to reach a small hamlet, using taximoto would be the best way. While being puzzled in a crowded lot right in front of the Central Hotel on Lê Lợi Street, I thought it was a place for motorcycle taxi or cyclo drivers. They got together in groups of five or ten playing cards, talking, laughing, and even quarreling. An idea about a cup of coffee popped up in my mind.

Walking in a coffee shop nearby, I sat down. My perplexed state of mind drove me crazy. I realized this space was not mine. The glimpse of a little girl selling lottery tickets fluctuated. Voices of other children from different regions inviting customers to buy tickets resounded. Feeling submerged in a chaotic space of all kinds of noises: car honking and human voices, I held hard the cremation urn for Huệ, a student of mine, which I brought here from America.

No sooner had I sat down than a group of kids selling tickets rushed toward me. I shook my head to refuse, no matter how hard they pleaded with me. My face sank with a sad look, and that discouraged the kids. Then a shoeshine boy came for my shoes. “Oh my gosh, mine are tennis shoes, can you polish them?” “Yes, every kind of shoe has its own way of polishing. Why not?” “No! I just need to finish my cup, then I have to dash.”

The shoeshine boy left, then a little girl, about five or six years old, came. “Please buy me some tickets.” “No, I won’t.” “Please, buy me one or two tickets. I need money to buy medication for my mom!”

I thought every kid selling tickets had their own reason to urge customers to buy tickets, so I paid the least attention to them. But when I looked closer at the girl’s face, it was cute, smart, but rather skinny, particularly in ragged clothes and worn pairs of slippers. I was moved. At her age, she ought to enjoy a happy childhood instead of leading a hard life as such! Looking around, I saw that other kids were almost the same as hers, but I felt particularly sorry for this one. Her Huế dialect took part in the sentiment about her. I have been teaching for over forty years, and I truly love children, especially those little girls. Now that I have turned sixty, I still don’t have the luck of being a grandpa!

– I won’t buy any tickets, but I will give you some money for bread. Is it all right?”

As I was speaking, my hand pulled money from my pocket to give to the child.

She waved off her hand to refuse and stepped backward:

– Nay, nay. I’m happy if you buy some tickets, but I’m not taking your money for free.

– …? I seemed lost, not knowing what to do.

– My mom often told me not to take anyone’s money.

– You don’t take anyone’s money. I give it to you at my own will. Let’s think it’s the money I pay for the tickets, okay?

– I’m ready to sell you the tickets. If you don’t buy them, then I won’t take your money. Please, buy some of my tickets, will you?

– I don’t like lottery tickets. It’s said that getting a jackpot is hitting bad luck!

– This is the first time I’ve heard of that. If you don’t buy, then I have to dash.

The girl of that age was talking like an adult. As she was about to leave, I grabbed her hand:

– Okay, I will buy some.

The girl grinned very cutely:

– How many would you buy?

Looking at the bunch of lottery tickets in the little girl’s hand, I asked:

– How much is a ticket?

– Ten thousand đồng, sir.

– What is your commission for each ticket?

– 800, sir.

– How many tickets have you sold as of now?

– Very scanty! About ten in all!

I quickly calculated in my mind. 10 x 8000 = 40 cents (of US dollar)

– How many tickets were sold for your mom’s drug?

– I really don’t know, but I guest it would be a lot.

– Now can you tell how many tickets on your hand?

The girl opened her eyes wide in surprise; she touched her mouth with her little index finger and started counting.

– Sir, 86 tickets altogether.

– What if you won’t sell all by the end of the day? What will you do with them?

– I’ll have to give back to the lottery retailer. The remaining tickets will be fined 10%.

– What will you do now? It’s late afternoon now?

– I may have to sell till midnight.

– Till the end of the day? Till midnight?

The little girl seemed to get what I meant. She replied:

– At the end of the day, I will report to the retailer. I’ve asked them to be back at ten p.m. If I can sell them all, then I can go home. Will you please buy 10 tickets?

– If I buy them all, will you go home with your mom or continue?

The little girl stared at me with surprise, disbelieved what she heard:

– Aren’t you kidding?

– …! – I said nothing, intending to wait for her answer.

– Then I will get the drug for my mom first. She said in a euphoric tone.

I got the bunch of tickets from the girl’s hand and handed her a bill of $50. She hesitated to receive the bill for a second, then pulled out all the money from her pocket and handed it to me.

– This is the change.

– Why do you give all to me before counting it?

– That’s the amount for 14 tickets I have sold this morning.

I pushed her hand away, telling her to keep it all, but she was determined not to take it back, saying that she just took the amount for 86 tickets only. An admiration lit up in my mind. Within an evil society nowadays, some honest and truthful children like her are still scarce. She must be above all corrupt traffic police officers and ranking rulers of the regime. The idea sparked an immense love for her. I wish I could hold her in my arms.

As the girl was reluctant to accept the $50 bill, I walked her to a jewelry store nearby where I could exchange it for Vietnamese money, and gave her the exact amount she wanted. She looked up and smiled:

– I will count to make sure you won’t give me any extra sum.

I gave a pitiful smile at the little girl’s honesty and innocence, patted her head, said goodbye to her after wishing her mom’s recovery.


3.

I waved to a motorcycle taxi driver. Two rushed to me, asking where I would like to go. I told them I only needed one. Not knowing whom I should pick, I let them both see the address. One said he would charge 65,000 đồng, and the other 45,000. Both of them engaged in a quarrel:

– You charge 45,000 from here to Mỹ Khê? Want to contend with me?

– The destination is Tịnh Khê, and you soak him 65,000?

– Before reaching Mỹ Khê bridge, and not to the beach!

I picked the one who would charge me 45,000 for the trip. Actually, the amounts were not big – 45 or 65 – just one dollar difference. I preferred the 45 one because he looked honest and sincere.

Sitting behind the driver, I initiated a conversation:

– How long will it take us to get there?

– Probably 45 minutes.

– I’m not in a hurry, take to your time for safety.

– Yes, we’d be taking the National Route 24B.

– We’ll follow the new road to the fork of Tam Thương, right?

– Yes. I’ll take Lê Thánh Tôn street, turn left on Đinh Tiên Hoàng, to Bà Triệu street, cross the new bridge, turn left onto National Route 24B toward Mỹ Khê.

– Whatever way is fine to me provided it’s fast and safe.

– Who are you looking for there?

– An acquaintance of mine.

– Can you tell me the name? I might know it.

– You live in that area?

– My home is close to Tịnh Khê market, not very far from the address you are looking for.

– Do you know anyone named Phạm Thị Phương Lan, a woman of 30?

– I’m sorry. I don’t know that name.

The taximoto driver was about 40 years old. He talked nicely and look honest. I felt safe. The traffic now was so crowded with all kinds of vehicles. He rattled off many things, and I, once in a while, asked him, like:

– You are married, aren’t you?
Perhaps he knew I was not a local denizen, for he kept “spilling his guts.” He was an orphan whose father, a soldier of the 2nd Infantry Division, lost his life in March 1975. Since he was the son of a member of the “quisling government,” the new government harassed his family badly. His mother was terribly abused, and she died ten years later. He was not allowed to go to school. After his mom’s death, he moved to his paternal grandpa’s for a while before shifting for himself until the speaking moment. His wife had a small stall at Tinh Khê market, and his son was an elementary student.

I sat behind the driver, heard his stories mingled with the noises of the wind rushing past my ears. I had no idea about all those because my mind was filled with worries!

After nearly one hour, we reached Junior High School Võ Bẩm on the left; the other side was Sơn Mỹ High School. The driver told me that we would shortly arrive. That surprised me because the destination would be close to my relative’s place. It was around 2 o’clock in the afternoon. There was plenty of time to plan a perfect meeting with the unknown person. I would need some way to relax and settle my mind, so I told the driver to join me for some tea. In my life, I had faced many life-and-death matters, but the mission this time seemed even more crucial, for it was a blender of confusion and emotion. In my pocket, I had a photo of the couple taken more than 20 years earlier. I could not visualize what one of them would look like.

Sitting in a café for ten minutes, I was anxious to find the address. I knocked on the door and waited. A long while later, an elderly man opened the door.

I babbled:

– Sir, I wish to see Ms. Phương Lan.

– Oh, she moved to the city a month ago. Who are you? How do you know her?

– Sir, there is a person in America who asked me to help him.

– You look like the one coming from America, right?

– You’re right.

– Wait for my child, who will give it to you. When Lan moved out, she had told us to give the address to anyone asking about her, particularly those from America.

I was more anxious:

– How long will your daughter be coming home, sir? I asked.

The old man smiled:

– Not very long. She went to the school to take her son home.

He then told us to go inside and invited us for some tea.

The following minutes were like a watched pot. The driver asked me if I wanted him to take me around to “kill time” and he’d not charge me any. I told him to patiently wait for my worries were burning my heart, and I longed for the new address of Phương Lan. Time dragged on so slowly.

Twenty minutes went by, and a woman with a child walked in. She gave me a pondering look. Her father told her, “A person coming from America wants to look for Ms. Lan. I told him to wait for you.” The woman turned to me and asked:

– I am sure you want to see Sister Lan?

– I am Phong, from America, looking for a person on behalf of another.

– What that person does not look for her by himself?

– Yes, but he can’t speak!

I said to her pointing at the urn. The woman’s face turned pale; she silently walked inside for a while, came out with the address, and handed to me.

– Please accept my sincere condolences. Perhaps my dad has told you that Ms. Lan moved to the city last month. She’s very weak because of her sickness. I wonder if she can stand this sad news. Good luck.

I thanked the woman and said goodbye to the old man. I asked if the driver could take me back to the city and find the new address. He was happy to help me and would charge me 45 thousand. I told him it would be fine. I wish to complete my mission as soon as possible.


4.

Being back in the city after four in the afternoon, we instantly went searching for the address. It began in Ngô Quyền alley that snuck into two other alleys before reaching the spot. Rather difficult. Thanks to the driver who kept asking the residents, we finally got it. The home was neat-looking and clean. My heart pumped as I knocked on the door. A feeble elderly humpback woman opened the door and looked from head to toe:

– Who are you looking for?

– Ma’am. Is Ms. Phương Lan living here?

– How do you know my daughter’s name?

– There’s someone in America who asked me to look for her.

– Is that Huệ who asked you for?

– That’s right.

– Please come in.

– Please let me pay for the taxi first.

– If you want, I can stick around here to wait for you. The driver said to me.

– Thank you, I don’t know how far it is from here to the hotel. I don’t know when I’m done with this. I can call another taxi if I need. Or I can walk there.

– I think you can walk to the hotel. The driver told me.

I gave him 200 thousand – the amount I exchanged at the jewelry store. He awkwardly scratched his head.

– My name is Minh. I am here all day, in front of the Central Hotel and at the Quảng Ngãi Bus terminal. If you need to go anywhere, call me. Don’t worry about being cheated.

– Okay. I’ll look for you if I need you.

As the driver was out of sight, I followed the woman into the house. The room was cozy and simple. The woman told me to sit down on a single chair by a small table. I carefully placed the urn on the table, which I held in my arms for many hours, except for 15 minutes at the café at Tịnh Khê. The woman lifted the curtain that divided the room and the bed and sat down on the bed.

– She and her child went to the market, and they might go home soon. Can you wait? Let me get you some tea.

– Ma’am, you don’t have to. I just got some lately.

It was lip service because the woman was feeble and alone. I didn’t want to bother her, although I felt thirsty.

– You just came or what? Where do you stay now?

– Ma’am, my name is Phong, from Sàigòn to Đà Nẵng yesterday noon, and I arrived here at midnight last night. I am staying at Central Hotel on Lê Thánh Tôn street.

– Look like you come from America?

– How do you know?

– The way you look, and you said Huệ in America asked you to find Lan.

– Yes, ma’am. Let’s wait for Phương Lan, then I will tell everything.

Very anxious, I kept looking out of the window. The elderly woman claimed Lan’s mother, but I had never heard Huệ say anything about her.

– Ma’am, can I leave the urn here? I will get some cigarettes and be right back.

– Okay. Put it there. I will watch it. Don’t worry; no one takes it.

I wandered to a stall a the alley entrance with the hope that while drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette, I could see Lan going back home because it was the only access. I smoked two cigarettes and finished the cup of coffee, but no sign of her. Indeed, a watched pot never boils. I had to go back to the house lest the woman be cooling her heels.

As I was about to knock on the door, it was quickly opened. I young, good but feeble-looking lady with a shiny black cascade of hair to her waist. Her eyes looked red as if she had cried a lot. I was puzzled. She had no time to say anything, then a little girl from behind rushed forward and said:

– Oh, hello, sir.

I was surprised to see the little girl selling lottery tickets at noon.

– Mom. This is the person who bought all the tickets at noon that I told you. The little girl turned and talked to her mom.

– Hello. Are you Phong? I am Phương Lan, Lan Huệ’s mom. She said in tears.

– ….

– Please come in.

– Go to Aunt Tám’s stall and get some cans of soft drinks. Don’t forget some ice.

– Yes, Mom.

– You don’t have to, dear little girl. I held her shoulder.

– Please let her go. I have nothing to drink now.

No good reason to stop the girl, I let her go and followed the lady to go inside. The elderly woman was still sitting there. She looked very sad. I bowed to her and raised my voice:

– I’m sorry ma’am. I can’t help waiting, so I walked out to get something to drink. I thought I would meet Phương Lan on her way home, but I was wrong.

– I thought you wouldn’t come back.

– No, ma’am. I come here just for this matter.

– Please take a seat first.
Phương Lan pushed a chair toward me and sat right in front of me. Perhaps the chair was just brought from the kitchen. I didn’t know what to say, but she already started the conversation:

– My daughter and I went home on another path, so you didn’t see us. When we got home, Lan Huệ saw the urn and said, “It looks exactly like the one I saw this noon in the arms of the man who bought all the tickets from me.”

– …

– When the little girl came home this noon, she told me, “That man might be a newcomer. Jack and Dunn tried begging him to buy their tickets, and he turned them down, but he bought all of my tickets. He even wanted to give me extra money, but I refused to take it.”

– Yes, that’s right! Phương Lan has taught your daughter so nicely. I was “struck” by her intelligence and honesty.

– Thank you for your comments. Although I am poor, I always remind my daughter, “Better to be poor and honest than to be dishonest and rich.” I never want her to sell lottery tickets. I have been so sick and weak of late that I can’t do anything but confine myself to my bed. The little girl was determined to sell tickets to help me out. Luckily, many people like her and help her. This noon, when she went home, she accompanied a registered nurse who gave me a shot and a prescription that enables me to walk to the drug store for more medicine.

Phương Lan rattled off as if to hide her innermost feelings and to keep me calm. Hearing her words, I was pretty distressed, confused, and dared not say anything yet.

The girl returned. In her hands were two cans of soft drink and a piece of ice. I looked at her with affectionate eyes. She walked straight to the kitchen and prepared the beverage. I looked around; the elderly woman was sitting still at the same place, chewing betel and areca. The sun had set. Sounds of peddlers faded out. I glanced at Phương Lan for her reaction. The little girl brought the drinks out, then came a sit by her grandma. I told her, “I can’t drink that stuff. Please give me some water. The girl looked at her mom, who nodded at her. She ran to the kitchen and came back with a glass of water. I gave the girl my drink. She reluctantly looked at her mom, who also nodded her head.

Suddenly, Phương Lan gazed at me:

– Is the news you want to tell us bad?

My heart pumped hard as if it jumped out of my chest; my mouth dried with a bitter taste. I babbled.

– Is this the urn for Huệ’s ashes?

– …!

I couldn’t utter a word. The lady sitting in front of me was so smart and frank. I looked at the elderly woman and the girl. The atmosphere became so quiet. My heart sank low, its beats increased. All eyes were glued on me, waiting for my answer. Phương Lan said in tears:

– I’m ready to hear the truth. It’s been a month I had prescience of an untoward occurrence, although I haven’t heard any news from Huệ for two years.

However, I never think that Huệ would abandon us.

– Yes. Huệ would never abandon you and his daughter. There had been so many heartbreaking incidents that happened to Huệ, but he never spilled the beans to anyone, including me. I have been his martial arts instructor for nearly four years. Huệ was an introverted and filial person, hard-working and polite. I consider him a relative of mine and have stopped collecting tuition. Anytime we have fun things in the family, we all have him and his mom come. Whenever I asked him about his own family, he usually smiled but screw up with sorrow. I understood he did not want to let the cat out of the bag, so I wouldn’t ask again. Only when he was absent too long did I try to reach him. Then he came back, and everything came back to normal.

I stopped and sipped some water. The coldness of the water kept me calm a bit. I put the glass down and continued:

– About two years ago, in the afternoon, I was in my class. The phone rang. It was from Huệ. He said in a startle:

– Sir, my mom just passed away!

I was surprised by the news, “She died of a disease or what?

– Ovarian cancer.

– When was the cancer discovered?

– Under treatment for over a year.

– Where is the coffin lying in state?

– At Vĩnh Phước Funeral Home.

– Is any relative of yours over there?

– Sir, only me. I have no relatives here.

I assigned a senior student of mine to conduct the training and quickly drove to meet Huệ for I thought he needed me.

Phương Lan sobbed; tears ran down her cheeks torrentially. The little girl handed her mom a handkerchief. I felt something stuck at my throat:

– The funeral being over, Huệ’s absences increased. I believed Huệ’s grief was so much that he couldn’t stand his misery. Once in a while, I called him, and the last time I called him, to suggested that he should move to my place. He told me that he did not want to sell the house with a lot of memories. When asked about his absences, he comforted me by saying that as soon as he felt well, he would come back for practice. I wondered why he was not well as he was alone by himself. One time, I planned to stop by his place to find out, but my wife advised me not to. We respected his personal life. So, I could only keep him on my mind.

I stopped talking to sip some water. I intended to sip cold water to calm myself while others attentively listened.

– About two months ago, Huệ called me and asked for my help. His voice was so weak. It was an urgent call from MD Anderson Hospital at the Medical Center near the center of Houston City. This place is a noted place for cancer treatment in the world, and where my wife has been working for over 20 years. No sooner had I hung up the phone than I drove to the Center. Huệ was in the intensive care unit. Huệ got colorectal cancer stage 4. He looked so feeble and pale. His case had been through both chemotherapy and radiation therapy, but in vain. I called my wife, telling her of Huệ’s status, and asked her to talk to the doctor who treated Huệ. The doctor happened to be her supervisor, who frankly spoke of Huệ’s condition.

According to the doctor, Huệ was hospitalized when the cancer was serious. He had tried hard but couldn’t be of any help. Since Huệ had no relatives, he was transferred to hospice care, the life support for people whose cancer is at the end of life.

I stopped my talk because Phương Lan sobbed more bitterly. She murmured, “Dear Huệ, I have wrongly blamed you!” Suddenly, she fell off the chair and into a faint. I grabbed her arms and kept her head out of the edge of the table. The elderly woman rushed to help her. I used my two index fingers to rub pressing at the ear’s gate and temple vital points. A short while later, she recovered. The elderly woman kept rubbing her temples with ointment for a while. She kept sobbing bitterly.

– I am sorry. Please continue.

– Phương Lan. Relax first. I will continue.

The sun set low behind the horizon. Darkness closed in. The elderly woman told the little girl to get some light. The oil lamp cast a dim light; the whole room looked even more bleak. I realized that we haven’t had anything to fill the tummies since morning. I suggested all eat out, but all refused to go. Then I recommended:

– Ma’am and Phương Lan, we’ve been busy talking and forgot about eating. I need something to eat, otherwise I can’t talk any longer!

– Sorry, I don’t have anything to treat you. Phương Lan tried to sit up; her daughter pushed her mom’s back from behind.

– What do you have for daily meals?

– We live from hand to mouth. When I am fine, I do some retailing at the market. Two years ago, Huệ sent me ten thousand dollars with a letter, advising me to use that amount for a small business while waiting for the sponsorship red tape. But then I lost contact with him. I also sent letters and called him as well, but all failed. I thought he gave me that much money and then quit. I have tried to think good of him, but I think it is illogical.

To this point, Phương Lan burst out crying aloud. Her daughter gave her a wet towel. In a short while, she mustered up all her senses and continued:

– You know what, “Money melts in the hands of those who badly need it.” Retailing to feed three is not an easy task. Therefore, last month I decided to move to the city with the hope that I could somehow contrive to survive. I never expected that I would be cheated. A person claimed that he wanted to sell his fruit stall at the market. I believed him and gave him an amount for a deposit. The following week, I came to the stall; the man disappeared for good. The cheating pushed me into a corner of physical difficulty and mental breakdown. I got seriously sick, so I couldn’t help it, and let Huệ sell lottery tickets.

– Phương Lan, please take a rest. The key thing now is our dinner. Let’s talk later. There will be some better solution for your plight. Believe me.

– Whatever solution you plan for us, I will comply. I am so weak that I can’t go out now.

I did not know what to do, then the elderly woman said:

– Huệ, you go to Chú Tư food stall and tell him we would like to have a meal for four diners and have someone to take it here. Your mom will pay for it later.

– Ma’am and Phương Lan should take time to relax. I will go with Huệ.

The little girl looked at her mom, who nodded her head:

– You walk me there, sweetie,

I held the little girl’s hand and transferred all of her dad’s love via my affectionate heart. At her age, in America, she can enjoy a perfect childhood, whereas in Vietnam, this girl had to toil for her mom’s medication by treading along all alleys and streets. I softly asked her:

– Lan Huệ, how old are you?

– I am seven.

– What grade are you in?

– I just finished first grade at Tinh Khê. Next school year, I will start second grade.

– If there is a fairy that grants you a wish, what do you wish?

– I wish my mom were healthy and had my dad by me like my friends’. She said without thinking.

– I said just one wish!

She lowered her head and walked along my pull. Some minutes later, she looked up and said:

– My dad has passed away, so I wish my mom would be well.

This smart child of filial piety was so lovable – a copy of her parents. If she were raised in a favorable environment, she would be a useful figure. I thought to myself, “She will certainly have a bright future.”

We arrived at a small food stand at the entrance of the alley. The girl looked at me, and I her.

– What kind of food would your grandma and mom like to pick?

– Grandma told me to buy a special meal for four.

– What would you like besides rice?

– I like noodles! But here they only sell rice.

– Where can we get noodles?

– Along the street.

– Is it far from here?

– Walk one more alley to reach Ngô Quyền Street!

– Then, let’s go there.

– No, we can’t. My grandma and my mom would scold me if we didn’t buy rice.

– I will be responsible for that. Moreover, your mom is not feeling well. Rice is not good for her taste. Your grandma, too, needs something tasty.

– Then, you have to tell them it was you who bought the noodles.

– All right. I promise.

I extended my little finger to make a pinky promise with her tiny finger. Her face brightened with a grin. I even loved her more. I wish she were my daughter or grandchild, and I would take good care of her and reimburse the lost time she had endured.

As we got home with four bowls of noodles in two billy boxes (cà-mèn), I instantly said:

– I bought noodles for Grandma and Phương Lan to enjoy eating.

I said, glancing at the little girl who slightly smiled and turned away with contentment. The elderly woman and Phương Lan took a small amount of food, but the little girl ate it heartily.

That made my heart ache. It must have been so long since she hasn’t eaten such a thing.
After the quick meal, I was aware that I should not stay longer, and said that I would come back the next day to finish the story. Phương Lan hesitated first but agreed. It’d be better that way.

– May I leave now, and I’ll come back tomorrow morning. What time would be most convenient?

– Whenever you get up. Which hotel are you staying at?

– Center Hotel on Lê Lợi Street.

– That’s not very far from here.

– Had I known it was not that far, I wouldn’t have lost half a day to look around!

I noticed Huệ’s urn has been placed on the altar, and some joss sticks were burning.

– Ma’am and Ms Phương Lan, before leaving, I wish to burn some incense sticks to thank the Heavens and to place Huệ’s cremation urn.

– Thank you for your good care!
Phương Lan was weeping as she walked toward the altar, picked some incense sticks, and burned them in her shivering hands. I thought she would cry all night. I didn’t know how to comfort her but received the sticks from her hands. I prayed aloud for everyone to hear:

– Dear Huệ! Finally, you’ve come home to meet your wife and daughter. I am indebted to you for having helped me with this mission. I overcame all obstacles to accomplish my promise. Of course, the work is not done yet, and it may take a little more time. Now that you are at home with your family. May you support them for the sake of safety. I’ve promised you I will pay close attention to Lan Huệ. Tomorrow I will return here to complete my mission. Goodbye now.

I put the sticks in the burner and turned around. Phương Lan’s eyes were full of tears. She extended her arms and embraced me, weeping.

– My daughter and I are indebted to you for your help. Many more things I want to know, but I feel easy now as Huệ has come to us, though in a cremation urn. Your dutiful and cordial succor that you spare for us. Will see you tomorrow. Have a good night.

I believed it was a profound feeling that urged her to act in such a way, which is scarcely expressed by Vietnamese women. It happened so unexpectedly that I did not know how to react. One hand of mine held her shoulder hard to keep her balance, and the other hand I patted on the other shoulder and tried to comfort her. She threw herself on the bed, grabbed a pillow, and cried her eyes out. The little girl started crying like her mom. The elderly woman kept cleaning her eyes with the back of her hand. I stood motionless and felt like between a rock and a hard place. Suddenly, she spoke out loud while gluing her face to the pillow:

– You should leave now before it is too late. Will see you tomorrow. Good night.

I stepped out and closed the door behind me. My footsteps were so heavy; my heart sank down, and worries disturbed me. A family of three generations, but all female, and they were facing a hard time. I felt helpless to cope with their miseries.


5.

Darkness was falling over the area; pale-looking lamplight enhanced the melancholic atmosphere. Here and there, the wailing sounds of crickets in orchestra with the sobbing of a widow and a daughter’s crying for the loss of her father sank everything in sadness.

A motorcycle taxi driver approached me. I told him to take me to the Central Hotel. He looked at me and told me that I could walk there, but I told him I couldn’t even walk. He then looked at me again with a worried eye, “Do you want me to take you around for a while?” I told him I badly needed some sleep.

The hotel was four blocks away, and the ride took only three minutes. As I got off the mototaxi, my legs seemed to collapse. Getting into my room. I threw myself on the bed … a day full of worries, hardships, and emotional struggle disturbed me physically and mentally. Tired but unable to fall asleep. The student’s plight was so miserable that it prevented my eyes from closing. By all means, I tried to clean up my mind, but images of those three persons kept haunting me bitterly.

The situation continued till late midnight, I sprang up and entered the bathroom, turned on the water. The bathtub being full, I lay in and soon fell into sleep until dawn; it was when the PA system started torturing people’s ears.

Rising out of the bathtub, I dried my body and tried to fall back to some more sleep, but failed. My mind was fully occupied by the things that needed to be done … Today dawned too slowly!

At seven, I changed clothes and walked to a coffee stall and waited. I thought everybody was eager to know the whole story, and I wished to tell them as well. With extra time I had, I started strolling along the route the moto taxi driver took me last night. It was Quang Trung Street …the familiar street name that I used to have a “cute sweetheart” who had a bicycle store, and my beloved school – Trần Quốc Tuấn High School – a famous school in the old days, which was more magnificent than in “old years.” It was now in the summer, and only a few people and vehicles were seen in the school yard. Instead, the red petals of the royal poinciana scattered all over recalled the reminiscence of my youth.

Turning right onto Nguyễn Nghiêm và left onto Ngô Quyền before covering two alleys, I arrived at the home whose door was open ajar. From a distance, Phương Lan was waiting:

– I think last night you didn’t sleep at all… and you came late

– How do you know?

– By looking at your pale face. You couldn’t sleep until twilight, then you overslept after dawn, right?

– If so, I can guess that you have stayed awake and wept all night.

Phương Lan stooped down to hide her puffy eyes from crying.

– I never wanted it that way, but tears kept running down my cheeks. I have cried so much tears before you came. Perhaps I was born with a pool of tears or something.

Little Lan Huệ was overwhelmed with joy; she grabbed her arms around as I stepped inside the home. The elderly woman was also sitting up by the bed and chewing betel areca.

– Good morning, ma’am. Did you get some sleep last night?

– I could not get in the arms of Morpheus. That mom and daughter sobbed all night. I feel sad for them as well.

– Ma’am. I am an outsider; still, I find this matter heart-breaking, to say nothing of close relatives.

– Have you had any coffee? Phương Lan asked me.

– I had some at the hotel.

Smelling the fragrant smoke of incense, I pushed the door open wider and sat down at the same place I did the day before. Phương Lan also took the same seat; she looked calmer now. On the table sat a plate with a teapot and four little cups. She took up, poured the tea into three cups and pushed one toward me. Then she looked straight into my eyes and said:

– Mr. Phong! The last whole night gave me a chance to think over my reality. Huệ has passed away, so I am supposed to lead a healthy and genuine life to take care of Lan Huệ. Now, I am ready to listen to the rest of the story.

– Yesterday, I stopped at the moment Huệ was transferred to the hospital.

– Huệ said he had cancer, and his case was incurable. In addition, he had no relatives around, and so he was moved to a hospice. Oh my gosh, how miserable! He had his wife and a child!

At that moment, Phương Lan sobbed even more bitterly. I was disinclined to look at her, the child, the elderly woman, and the altar full of smoke from the incense burner. I then tried to say something as if to tease her:

– You just told me you are so calm and ready to hear what I will say, did you?
She gave a faint smile, but it looked melancholy on her pale face:

– I’m sorry. I’ll try!

– I want you to try even more because what I’m going to tell you next is unbearable. Remember, Huệ has died, and I must accomplish what he wanted me to. Your responsibility is to keep good health to take good care of the elderly and of the child, the sole drop of blood from Huệ.


6.

That night, Huệ was too tired to speak. He could only utter, “I wish you would help me. I have no relatives here, but my wife and daughter are in Vietnam now.” Then he looked faint. I was amazed at his words. It was the first time I heard. I stayed with him till midnight as his condition got a little better, and I left.

The next morning, when I returned, Huệ had been transferred to a hospice care facility. A nurse showed me how to see Huệ.

Huệ was delighted to see me. He tried to rise from his bed, “I’ve been waiting for you since early morning. I have signed all papers that confer powers of attorney on you.” I stopped him from rising from his bed, but he said he felt much better. I pushed a button to raise his head and put a pillow behind his back. I sat down on a chair beside his bed.

– Huệ said, “Today I have to tell the whole truth because I badly need your help.”

I was afraid Huệ would be exhausted if he tried:

– Whenever you recover, you can tell me, though.

– You don’t have to worry about my health. I know my time is not long; doctors and nurses here have told me that I can leave the world at any time.
Hearing his words, I felt an agony in my heart.

– Whatever I can help you with, I’m more than happy to do it. I’ve considered you a relative of mine. It’s because you’re an introvert; I can’t read your mind.

– Let me finish my story before you tell me what you think, particularly when you have a chance to talk to my wife and daughter.

I thought I would not have any chance to talk to his wife and daughter, but I knew his time was running out, so I nodded.

– Important things first and without any order. If I cannot tell you all, then let it be. I am sorry for not telling you about my private life. Even worse, I did something without consulting you in advance. You might feel surprised when I let you know that I am married and have a child.


7.

Seven years ago, I accompanied my mother to go my homeland at Mỹ Khê, Quảng Ngãi for the first time to see my dad’s grave. My mom told me that my dad was killed by the communists in an attempt to escape from their prison. By then, I was nearly one year old. During the trip, I met a girl whose situation was similar to mine. Her name is Phạm Thị Phương Lan, a resident of Mỹ Khê from Huế. After the trip, I returned to America, and we kept in touch, of course, because we really fell in love. She’s a filial and nice person, physically and spiritually. And we planned to get married. She’s a lady of few wants. When I filled out the affidavit of sponsorship, I realized that Phương Lan had no relatives in Vietnam except her mom.

Of course, my mom knew all these. She said that as I was an adult and could do anything good for my future, she would agree to it.

Falling deeply in love with her, I alone came back to Quảng Ngãi six months later and got married in a simple ceremony. As I returned to America, I instantly consulted Immigration lawyers for our case. Phương Lan must have citizenship to sponsor her mom.

As we were between a rock and a hard place, Phương Lan informed me that she was expecting our first child. The news gave me a mixed feeling – sad and happy … She gave birth to a girl. I immediately flew to see her at the hospital. We named the child Lan Huệ as a mark of our profound love. Our paper for sponsorship was at a standstill. I love her mother the same as I love my mom. And so, we have to wait until both mothers in Hades, then we would be able to live together, either in Vietnam or in America.

To this moment, Huệ had to stop because he felt too tired. I told Huệ to lie down and rest. Huệ signaled he wanted some water. At the same time, a nurse walked in. I stepped outside and called my wife to ask the doctor about Huệ’s condition. He advised us to be prepared for Huệ’s departure and to treat him as nicely as possible. I tried to keep calm when I re-entered the room.

Huệ looked a little better. He wanted me to sit by his bed and continued:

– Dear master, please don’t worry about me. I just need to tell you whatever I can, lest time isn’t enough.

About three years ago, my mom got ill and passed away soon afterward, as you know. During that time, I had to endure all hardships: taking care of my mom and going to work. In addition, I had to cover all expenses, including the medical costs. But I said nothing to no one, even to Phương Lan. I don’t want her to worry. She only encouraged me to care for my mom.

Her prestigious manner gave me great comfort. Meanwhile, my savings were running low due to medical expenses. That might threaten my support for Phương Lan, financially. For fear of that case, I sent her ten thousand and told her to start a small business with the money. By then, my mom’s health condition had worsened, and I devoted myself to taking care of her. About a year later, she passed away. The funeral being over, my situation worsened, spiritually and financially. Over a month, I did my best to get back on my feet. During that time, my thoughts turned toward my wife and child quite a bit, but I did not want to call her as I was deeply in depression. As I recovered, I planned to save enough money and come for a visit. Unfortunately, the economic situation declined; many factories and firms started to lay off their workers and employees. I was one of those.

Huệ gave a signal for some water, and I told him to take a rest, but he refused. “Let me talk,” he said. “The important part,” he sipped some water and continued:

– Three months later, I was still out of a job. Sad, desperate, and irregular diet conditions together with the images of my wife and daughter possessed my mind. I got a chronic stomach ache. My doctor advised me to regulate my habit, to restore my health, and he would prescribe some medication.

No sooner had my chronic stomach ache alleviated than the lower part of my abdomen started to hurt so terribly that a friend of mine rushed me to the hospital.

After the examination, the doctor told me my large bowel showed symptoms of disorders. They sent me to other facilities for a more thorough check-up – colorectal cancer. I underwent radiation therapy and then chemotherapy, but in vain. During this time, I set up everything: paper at the bank, my house, my car, health insurance, life insurance, will, and power of attorney. I used your name as my sole legal representative in America. You are entitled to decide whatever you think proper. All docs and keys are now kept in a box at Chase Bank on Bellaire Blvd, near Synot Street in Houston, Texas. This is the key to the box. Now I hand it to you. After my death, please follow my will in the box.

As soon as he finished talking, Huệ took the key off his wrist and handed it to me. He closed his eyes. His breaths were short and quick. His face turned pale. Frightened out of my wits, I called a nurse for help. A short while later, he came to, looked at me and smiled. His lips moved slightly, but his manner looked peaceful. I held his hand firmly and applied my ear to his mouth, attentively listening.

– Now I feel heartened. Please promise me, master. I regret that I did not tell my wife the ups and downs I have been through, and so I know she couldn’t help blaming me and would be in despair when she knows the truth. I also regret I haven’t seen my dear daughter. It’s been more than three years; she probably grew tall.

He took the last gasp and closed his eyes. Tears ran down his skinny cheeks. His heartbeats became irregular and his breaths were gentle. One hand of mine held his shoulder and the other his hand. I applied my mouth close to his ear and said, “I promise you I will do exactly what you want me to.” Suddenly, his eyes opened widely, he clasped my hand hard, smiled, and breathed out.


8.

Phương Lan groaned “ugghh” and fainted. Having prepared for the worst situation, I extended my arms to keep her from falling and carried her to the bed.

Besides vital points — the eargate and temples — I pressed on the third one – the spirit courtyard – for her brain safety. Sounds of the elderly woman’s weeping and the little girl’s crying in the thick smoke of incense sticks from the burner tore my heart and mind. Despite all that, I did my best to comfort them while my tears were ready to flow out.

A few minutes later Phương Lan awoke but fainted again. I felt worried about her health, so I kept rubbing on the vital points, asked the little girl to open all windows for fresh air, and urged her to invite the nurse. The girl cried, running away. The elderly woman kept rubbing ointment on Phương Lan’s temples and nose. I checked her pulse; it was normal. Only her breaths were rather shallow. I know most people would suffer if facing the same case.

Some minutes later, she recovered and wanted some water. I gave her a cup of tea and helped her sit up. She was as weak as a kitten. I had her sit against my side and had her sip the tea slowly. After that, I had her lie down on two pillows.

About ten minutes later, the little girl came back with the nurse, who acted very professionally. She gave Phương Lan a shot. I did not bother to ask the nurse what medicine she used because I saw her do the same yesterday. The nurse left and said she would return in the evening for another shot.

I softly said to Phương Lan:
– I sincerely share your misery and loss, but you must keep yourself in good shape; we have some more things to complete, and I will only stay here for a couple of days.

Phương burst out crying. I tried to console her:

– The bygone is gone. The present is more important. The elderly woman and Lan Huệ need your care and support. And that was Huệ’s wish.

– Yes. I understand.

– I think I should leave for the hotel. Let everybody rest. I will return in the afternoon. I hope you can walk with me outside. We have a necessary thing to do.

– When will you come back to America?

– When I am done here, I will go to Mỹ Khê, where I will visit the graveyard of my ancestors for one day, then to Sàigon for a couple of days.

– Is Mỹ Khê your hometown? She asked in surprise.

– Most of my relatives are there.

– Do you have any relationship to Trương Quang?

– One of my relatives.

– I narrowly became a bride at Trương Quang’s.

– ??? I looked at her, waiting.

– Luckily, I discovered that the family has a ranking official in the Vietnamese communist (VC) regime, and I retreated.

– Does it have anything to do with your future?

– I hate having any relation with VC.

– How dare you say that when you don’t know me well?

– I’m sure you’re not a VC because no VC has a good heart like yours.

– Let’s forget that. I don’t want a bolt from the blue.

– I feel much better now. You don’t have to come and go as planned. Where do you want me to go and what for the necessary thing, as you’ve said?

– Is the bank working during noon time?

– I don’t know. I’ve never been to that place. To be sure, we should go there after one o’clock. There is a bank named Vietnam Foreign Trade Bank on Hùng Vương Street. It’s a branch of Vietcombank.

– Very good! Now I invite everybody to dine out with me. After that, we can go to the bank around 2 o’clock. Let them have a good nap.

– My mom doesn’t want to eat out. Let’s get some food and eat at home like yesterday.

I volunteered to get some food with Lan Huệ. The girl was delighted with the idea. She held my hand and pulled me along. No one said what they would eat, so I decided to buy rice and chicken at a food stand near Quảng Ngãi Market.

During the meal, I tried to crack jokes but was not successful. Phương Lan and the elderly woman ate very little, while the little girl and I quite enjoyed the meal because I was hungry. I did not say much about what to do next; I only spilled a few little beans.


9.

Soon after Huệ took the last breath and waited for autopsy, I talked to the hospital official who let me run to Chase Bank for the will in its box.

According to the will, Huệ wanted me to contact AIG Life Insurance Company for their guideline. He wanted to be cremated, sell his home, and the car. After that, I went to the bank, withdrew all the money and closed the account. Then, to the temple where his mom’s photo was enshrined, I offered 5K to the temple upon his suggestion. The last thing he urged me to do was would make a trip to Mỹ Khê in Việt Nam to find Phương Lan and her daughter, to whom I would hand the amount of money he had saved. He had figured out all expenses, including the sum for my trip. He also wished Phương Lan would take care of his dad’s grave on his behalf.

All of his meticulous arrangements touched my heart. I instantly called the insurance company. To my surprise, they had already known and prepared all kinds of papers for me to sign. When asked about all those, they said Huệ had gone through the process several weeks earlier.

The funeral being over, I took the cremation urn to the temple (until I made my trip to Vietnam. The head bronze was my long-lived acquaintance, so everything was set up quickly. At the same time, I had his house cleaned up and asked a friendly estate agent to list it for sale. It was a two-bath, 3-bedroom house of 1700 square feet on a 0.5-acre lot. Its roof was replaced less than five years ago. It was listed for 120K dollars including the furniture. I also contacted a friend of mine who owned a small used car dealer for the 2008 Toyota Camry. The dealer owner agreed to pay 10K for it without charging tax. I contacted AIG insurance company and had all the money transferred to a new account at Citibank. And lastly, I arranged for my senior student to take care of the martial arts dojo while I was absent.

In my life, I have been through a lot of ups and downs, but what I have done for Huệ went on smoothly. It’s probably Huệ’s soul that has helped me from behind.

The house was listed in less than a month, then a Vietnamese elderly couple from California offered to buy it. They paid cash for 122K and deposited 20% right away. Five days later, all paperwork work completed, and the transaction was complete. The agent charged a small amount of commission.

I prepared a small notebook for Phương Lan, in which I noted down every single detail related to Huệ’s wishes.

***

Around 2 o’clock, we arrived at the bank. Phương Lan was surprised to know that I had opened two accounts – one for her and one for the little girl. She was even more amazed as to see the amount of money I had deposited in each account. The total money for her was 124K dollars (that included the house, the car, and savings), and 105K dollars for the little girl (insurance and interest). I suggested that she should withdraw some for medication, and the rest should be kept in the two accounts for later use. She agreed to withdraw 10 million đồng.

I never expected that everything would be accomplished very smoothly. By now, I had opened my handbag to get the will Huệ had written for me and the notebook. I gave both items to Phương Lan as souvenirs. I also revealed that Huệ wished her to take care of his dad’s grave on his behalf. During this time, her tears kept running down her cheeks.

I took a deep breath of relief as I had done everything I needed to do. I thanked the teller at the bank. We left the bank. My feet felt as light as a feather; my heart was happy as a lark. However, Phương Lan was too weak for a walk, and I had to call a taxi. I intended to give the last advice before leaving for good. But the alley was too narrow for the taxi, and I had to help her walk home. On the other hand, if I held her hand to support her, the tongue would wag. In the end, I had to walk behind her and be ready to keep her balance in case she fell. At the entrance, the elderly woman and the little girl were waiting. As the girl saw us, she rushed forward to her mom and walked to the bed. After that, she returned and embraced me and cried. I was so moved that I embraced the girl and advised her:

– From now on, you don’t have to sell tickets. Your dad had prepared everything for you. The only thing you should do is do your best at school for a bright future. That’s your dad’s wish. His love for you is beyond words!

The little girl stuttered:

– Yes. I promise my Dad and you!

I bowed to the elderly woman and carried the girl to the front of the altar, which was now in thick smoke from the burner. I put the girl down, burned two bunches of incense – one for the girl and one for me. Phương Lan had approached without my notice. I gave the incinerator to her and got another one for myself. I raised the incense and prayed out loud:

– Dear Huệ. I have accomplished my promises and my mission, which I thought “impossible” – a tearful mission, you know. I strongly believe you are behind in supporting me perfectly. I would like to thank you, and in the great beyond, you would feel satisfied. I only feel sorry for you as you have a beautiful wife and a cute child, but you can’t enjoy your connubial bliss. Perhaps it’s destiny, though no one wants it. I also strongly believe your dear one would do their best to glorify your name. I wish you everlasting happiness in the great beyond.

Phương Lan sobbed incessantly. She planted the incense sticks into the burner and knelt in front of Huệ’s urn. The little girl followed her mom. The elderly woman silently stood up and lit some incense sticks as well.

Outside, the sun has set; traffic noises have reduced, and street cries have also thinned out. I voiced to leave, but they urged me to stay a little longer. Phương sobbed, saying:

– This leave-taking can be the final. Please remain for some time and have dinner with us. I don’t know how to express enough our gratitude to you for what you have done for our family. I want to show you as a sign of thankfulness.

I jumped aside to listen to her words:

– I promise you and Huệ’s spirit that I will take good care of myself and my daughter Lan Huệ to make sure she will be successful. As his wife, I will devote great care to his dad’s grave as I have done.

– Please remain with us for a little longer. The elderly woman followed.

– I will be very sad if you leave.

The little girl uttered in tears. I sorrowfully told her:

– Sooner or later, we have to say goodbye. Phương Lan, here is my phone number. If you need anything, please call. What I did was just my love for a student and volunteer to do so. I dare not receive your kowtow, but I will stay to have dinner with you all.
Again, I went with Lan Huệ to get some food, but Phương Lan and her mom did not eat much, though; the nurse returned and gave her another shot.

Around 9 o’clock I left the home. Joy filled my heart. My steps were so light as if I were floating in the air. When I reached my room, my eyes became heavy, and my feet lagged. I threw myself in bed and was in the arms of Morpheus until 8 o’clock the next morning.


10.

I spared some time to go to Mỹ Khê where I would stop by Great and Minor Family Ancestral Houses, and the Third Highest Dignitary Trương Đăng Quế. By chance, I would drop in some friends and relatives there for a day before coming back to Sàigòn, and to America the following week.

As I just walked to the lounge, I was surprised to see Phương Lan standing there! She looked rather happy, but her tears quickly ran down her cheeks. I had no time asking why, then she started:

– I am afraid that you will leave early, so I have been waiting here since 6 o’clock. The receptionist let me know that you are sleeping.

I hesitantly looked at her and invited her to sit down:

– What’s up, Phương Lan?

– Well, nothing important. Last night, after you left, I pondered over Huệ’s plight that woke me up all night. I read Huệ’s will and your notebook. He listed everything, including the expenses for your trip. I come here for that. If not, I will regret all my life.

– Phương Lan, you don’t have to worry about that. As I’ve said, this trip of mine is completely voluntary. I want to help my dear student who trusted in me. At first, I thought I would get compensation for my trip, but a second thought persuaded me to do so, particularly when I am aware of your plight. Moreover, the amount I spent on this trip is not very much. Please do not consider it a big deal. It’s like a gift I’ve set aside for your family, though.

Phương Lan stood up and stepped towards me. I hesitated to stand up, and she suddenly embraced me, sobbing:

– As you have said. My daughter and I are deeply grateful to your noble heart.

All eyes were on us. I clumsily removed her arms and asked her to sit down.

– Please, don’t say anything about gratitude. Instead, please take care of your health and devote yourself to caring for the elderly woman and Lan Huệ. Be careful about your behavior in public. You ought to know how to build a better future. I love the little girl; she’s very smart, like her parents. Keep in touch. If I have a chance to come back to Quảng Ngãi, I will find you all. Now, I have to go to Mỹ Khê. It’s my final leave-taking word.

– I wish I were fine to join you on the trip to Mỹ Khê today.

– When having done everything and your health permits, you can visit his dad’s grave though!

– Yes, sir. Godspeed to you.

We both stood up and walked outside. The atmosphere was now fairly busy and noisy with cars honking, people talking, or arguing. Phương Lan bowed her head down as she walked by my side, and I could hear her sobbing. Suddenly, she turned to me and embraced me for some seconds. Then she loosened her arms, quickly walked away, and disappeared in the crowd. Looking at her, I felt pity for “an unlucky person.”

The summer sun was pouring torrential hot rays over a growing city that tried to overcome all hardships in such a disordered development.

That is Quảng Ngãi, my homeland!

Summer 2014


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